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Happy masturbation May! Typically masturbation has been a conversation to be had in the dark, but all this month sex educators and self pleasure enthusiast alike open up conversations around the topic. For many people masturbation is associated with shame, although nearly 80% of the population partakes. Masturbation is a tool of self-care and self-love and sometimes during emotional healing self pleasure can be a way of learning your body and yourself in a new way.

Sex toys are a huge part of the masturbation conversation. Sex toys can be intimidating. Maybe for you there was a partner who was intimidated by them, or forced them into your sex life. Or maybe you just feel shy about wanting to use them, or you don't even know where to start. I want to break down for you some of my favorite sex toys and how to best use them.

The Rose

A little bit of suction a little bit of vibrator. And when I see a little I truly mean that. When I first got this toy I was not pleased. I didn’t feel the suction and the vibration was not as strong as my wand. I also noticed the shape made it nearly impossible to use during penetrative sex. One day I decided to use our play oil with it and voilà. The toy absolutely snatched my soul out of my body. This toy has far given me some of the best orgasms in my life. Get this one and give your body some time to get used to it. Worth the ride. Rating: 7/10.

The G spot dildo

Dildos are not my thing. I prefer vibrators to penetrative toys. The vibration on this toy is pretty mild. It’s not strong enough for the clit and at the same time not too strong where the vibration feels uncomfortable when inserted. The shape curves up a little bit and if you’ve never had a G spot orgasm this could probably help get you there or learn your angle. For me, dildos are used during foreplay for partner sex, and not preferred when flying solo! Since I am single for now it doesn’t get any action but it’s worth having around, more for partner play or mutual masturbation with a partner than for self pleasure. 5/10.

The vibrating black dildo

This toy is most fun for mutual masturbation as it has a base that can be ridden. Its small, powerful discreet and slim shape also makes it easy to use! Fun, cute and not too big. 6/10.

The black magic wand

A smaller version of the Hitachi magic wand that our mothers convinced us were their back massagers in the 1990s, this bad boy always does the trick. The dome shape aids in hitting all spots on the clitoris at once while also diffusing any pain that a smaller precision vibrator may cause. It also could be used as a fantastic massager for body parts, and if you have kids they might use it as a microphone 😄. I love this bad boy for clitoral stimulation during penetrative sex. It is big, but compared to the Hitachi wand, its manageable. I consider this one of the loves of my life. Rating 100/10.

Maude’s small ergonomic wand

This is the newest toy in my collection and boy what can I say about it… It is extremely powerful! Precise and a great first vibrator for anyone vibe curious. It's also great because it’s small and during partner play this sleek wand can come in handy. The precision tip can cause an extremely strong rush so I always recommend starting off on level one. The precision is fantastic but sometimes can feel overwhelming and give me a few seconds of intensity so I advise my friends buying it to use lube on the clit before stimulating and start slow. It's a win for me. Easy, sleek, fun and powerful. 9/10.

The beaded anal plug

Probably a shocking toy to many of you but it’s worth a mention. Some of us are lucky enough to be able to have orgasms from multiple places. For me it’s mental (without physical stimulation) G-spot, clitoris, cervix, throat (getting an O from giving a partner oral is a thing), and anal O’s. If you have a partner who’s up for some fun this toy could be a fun addition to foreplay or a way to ease into A action. I’ve never used it for DP during partner penetrative sex but I can imagine with its ball shape at the end for safety it could be used for that reason. It does have a very mild vibration which is perfect for helping reach an orgasm if your body is built that way. This toy can be for beginners or those more advanced in the back door department. Use lube always before insertion. Also worth noting, it comes in a variety of sizes! 8/10

The small black anal plug 

This 100% silicone baby butt plug is something fun for those anal curious. They can be used during penetrative sex for DP action, or as a precursor to prepare you for anal. Partners who are curious with exploring A often love this because of its size and safety handle. And remember lube lube and more lube! The play oil is perfect for experimentation as it can help relax muscles and ease any discomfort to make sex easier and explosively orgasmic. 10/10.

 The precision wand

The purple precision one is the toy I’ve used the least. With its silicone Clit gripper and it’s tiny point that’s meant to stimulate with precision I just could not find out how to get into it. For my anatomy, it’s extremely painful to have such focused pressure in a small area on my clitoris. I have two friends who swear by this. If you are comfortable getting heavy pressure applied by a single finger, that's the best comparison for this toys feeling. I cant handle that, so for me its a no go. 1/10.

The stingray shaped vibrator

The stingray has one of the least utilized shapes I’ve ever seen in sex toy-landia. I got this because it was on sale and had great reviews. It’s not the strongest vibrator but it has power. The shape is a hump which can be used in the palm of your hand during partner sex (huge plus). It’s especially easy to use in hard to reach positions where larger toys could get in the way, or even when you’re on top which is a position that’s probably the hardest to use any of the other vibrators in. It’s also tiny, discrete and perfect for travel. Worth having in your bedside dresser. 6/10.

Overall sex toys and masturbation don’t have to go hand-in-hand but they sure do complement each other. I’ve built this collection over the past few years and I will probably keep adding to it. Self exploration is one of the best things about self-care, especially if you are trying to build up your sexual confidence. Knowing what makes you orgasm on a personal level will help you when you get into that safe and honoring relationship where you can be yourself and ask your partner to meet your needs sexually. Take it from me. It’s never too early or too late to start experimenting with sex toys.